


Blooming

by hieliohelio



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Oneshot, Sad Ending, Sad Huang Ren Jun, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, renjun suffers, time skip kinda thingy in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hieliohelio/pseuds/hieliohelio
Summary: Renjun never did get what he wanted, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe he was meant to look from the sidelines, but Jaemin was just so sweet.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Blooming

It was a Tuesday when he found out. 

The sky was clear, not a single cloud was to be seen, and the sun was bathing the town in its mellow glow. Ah yes, it was that day when Renjun had strolled through the dorm, worry free from his mind. It was the day when he felt the scent of freshly ground coffee beans waft through the air, heard the lively chatter fill the kitchen, his friends bickering over burnt eggs. It was that day Renjun had decided to let the near-scalding water drip down his toned body, hands raking through his chestnut locks, lathering it with bubbles. It was that day, when he opened the door to his shared room, letting his bare feet thud against the timber boards. It was that day when he heard the wanton moans from within the walls. It was that day when Renjun had been met with the sight of Jaemin and Jeno unabashedly kissing, chasing after each other’s taste. They were lost in their own world, pursuing the sweet flavour of love, relishing in its wake. Renjun’s phone clattered against the floor. Their heads whipped around, eyes wide, mouths gaping. 

Time seemed to stop. Silence washed over the once warm air, tension thick. Renjun wished he could laugh. He wished he could brush it off, say that he expected this to happen. He wished he could, he really did, and a minuscule part of him did laugh with melancholy. It was as if the universe was playing a cruel trick on Renjun, the boy whose desires were left unfulfilled. How long had it been, years maybe, of yearning, watching from afar, so close yet not. As always, it was Renjun who never got chosen. 

Of course it was Jaemin that was first to move, hand swiping across his lips, wiping away any traces of the prior events, “Renjun I-“

He ran.

He could hear the blood gushing in his ears, his heart pounding, lungs burning. Keeling over, his body was thrown over the porcelain sink. Renjun’s slim frame crashed against the bathroom cupboards, knees bruising and buckling. His shoulders violently shook under the immense pressure of him hacking at his lungs. His fingers left long, angry red lines against his pale skin as he clawed at his shirt collar. 

His throat tightened, he could feel the oxygen leaving his head, he could feel the scratchiness. A fire burned steadily in his chest, agony searing through his veins. He could feel blood escape his lips, staining the ceramic tiles, the crimson liquid evenly flooding his mouth. The walls seemed to close in on him, his legs had already given way, his head was spinning. Tears threatened to spill from their place, vision swimming. The crystalline droplets danced across his eyes, making them glisten. Was it because he knew he could never have what he longed for, or was it that he knew he was beyond saving? Nevertheless, he felt the overwhelming grief swallow him, it was suffocating, having despair completely drag him down. Renjun couldn’t think, coughs racked through him, trying to get in air, but to no avail. It was as if he was underwater, shackles trapping him at the bottom. He could do nothing but sit and let the thorns prick his lungs, let the roots grab at his chest and the stems grow. He couldn’t stop the garden blossoming in him, fueled by his unrequited love.

A lily.

Its delicate white petals tinted with splotches of scarlet, the pretty green leaves dripping.

Perhaps it was the shock. Perhaps it was the anguish. Shaking, his fingers trembling, Renjun reached for the floret. His fingers dove under it, scooping it up from the cold ground. It looked almost beautiful, really. It was Jaemin’s favourite. Cupping the lonely, blood soaked flower to his body, Renjun did all that he could at that moment.

He cried.

He let the hot tears cascade down his cheeks, now rosy from the pain, he let the heartache rip through his throat. He cared not whether the others could hear, he cared not that his friends were just beyond the door. He allowed for the white hot throbbing to continue, for the pang in his heart to stay. For now, all he could do was cry until his voice was no more.

Renjun sits, gazing at the windowsill, the inky sky, silken with glittering stars was a pleasant break from forbidding white walls. He listens to the hum of heart monitors and machinery as he peers at the moon, holding its head high. He was thankful for the scenery. He was thankful that he was alive to see the night sky one last time. Perhaps, he would finally experience life without the constant pain in his chest. Deep down he knows he simply can’t let his affections slip through his fingers. Letting his feelings go would be leaving his most cherished memento behind. The relentless aching was a reminder that he cared too much, that he loved too much. Renjun had counted his blessings, and now he finally thinks that perhaps it wasn’t so bad for the stinging in his body to halt.

Renjun could see it ever so clearly. He reached out a thin hand, letting his grasp fall into that of the figure cloaked in darkness. He allowed himself to be led away, into an abysmal void. It didn’t frighten him in the slightest. He knew it was okay, he was content with his life, he was content with meeting Jaemin, as a friend but not a lover. 

Renjun appeared to pay no heed to the sound of the door creaking open, but he knew exactly who it was that came to visit him. Before the visitor could speak a single word, Renjun spends his last breath, littered with muffled coughs.

Ah, it felt bittersweet not to love anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> hello reader, thanks so much for reading my first published work, if you enjoyed please leave kudos if possible, thanks again!


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